For all we know, they could have deserved it. I propose a story; two chickens naked in a field, scared and running. They get to the edge of the wood, chancing a glance back, they see no one. Was there anyone to begin with? Why had they been running? By fotsworth2020-05-06 16:00 79% (754)
Reminds me of the time that I didnt try. So, there I was, at the foothills of the tallest mountain in North America, Denali. Then I just didn't climb it. Cuz it costs like $40,000. I aint gonna do that shit. Plus I don't climb at all. Never have. By fotsworth2019-12-02 19:30 90% (1325)
Oh jeeez he really fucked that one up. Reminds me of the time I went to fart in the shower and full blown diarrhea came out of my butt. Covered the shower floor, made me puke. That was not a good morning. By fotsworth2018-12-08 12:00 89% (1577)
You know that feeling when you read the sign wrong, and end up going into a salon instead of a saloon to get that sweet, sweet taste of escaping the world for just a little bit. Do you think they had darts back then? By fotsworth2018-11-22 00:30 86% (1218)
I like my coffee black. But I started out this way. I was raised Mormon, so coffee was a no-no. But once I left the church I tried it and hated it. But after a few months I've gone to the deepest, darkest pit of Alaska and have wrestled bears. By fotsworth2018-02-11 19:00 85% (1631)
Up in the cloud. I just wanna make love in the morning, work til the evening, and then watch the sun go down. By fotsworth2018-01-24 16:00 81% (1024)
I fucking love the Taco Bell. I'm borderline addicted. Glad I'm not super fat. Def got some chub on me. But nothing starving myself a day or two won't solve. By fotsworth2018-01-20 11:00 88% (1648)
Kids are fucking expensive. I mean, I don't have any, thank Satan. But I totally should. I have been careless on the pull-out more than I care to admit. Maybe I'm sterile? I hope not, but also I hope so. I don't think I want kids. By fotsworth2018-01-10 04:30 88% (1645)
Vacuums suck... Sorry. I guess I'll just hang myself now. My favorite movie of all time? Weird thing to ask. I'd probably say Strange Brew, eh. The meme potential is huge. By fotsworth2018-01-08 11:30 84% (1186)
Most sharks are or of my league too. Cept for great whites. They're sluts. Just a little blood on you and they'll suck yo dick all night. I want a challenge. Never been with a tiger shark, I got jungle fever. By fotsworth2018-01-05 09:30 84% (1202)
I had a gun in my mouth 3 times. Couldn't do it though. I thought it would be easier to try pills. So I stole like 15 pill bottles from my friend, laid them out and had a full bottle of tequila in front of me. Still couldnt do it :/ By fotsworth2017-12-29 11:30 62% (978)
Any one who has ever worked in retail has heard this joke a million times. Don't do it. If you've ever said this to someone - consider suicide. By fotsworth2017-12-27 14:00 80% (1344)
Only rich people think money can't buy happiness. I'd just like to be able to eat every meal. Is that too much to ask? I'm getting so sick of PBnJ's and ramen. Do you know what I am saying? By fotsworth2017-12-27 11:00 82% (1312)
